My Daughter
by 50shadesofwitchbitch
Summary: Lana Winters has a sudden change of heart. Before she can talk herself out of it she flees the country. She was going to raise bloodyface's child. No, scratch that, she was going to raise her child. A multi-chapter fic following the life of Lana Winters from 1964 to the present day.
1. Chapter 1

1964

Lana's POV:

''Prison's too good for you.'' I said as I put the bullet through his head. I stood for a while, staring at his motionless body on the floor as the blood seeped from his shattered bird's egg of a skull. The gun slipped from my fingers as I heard movement from outside Threadson's apartment. It hit the floor as the door swung open and two armed police officers rushed in, guns raised. They dropped their arms to their sides as they saw what I had already accomplished.

''Are you okay Ms Winters?'' The taller officer asked.

''Fine.'' I replied.

Though I didn't feel fine, I didn't feel anything. I felt numb. He took my arm and led me from the apartment and all the while I didn't take my eyes off Threadson's body.

''He can't hurt anyone else now.'' I stated to myself on the way down the apartment's steps.

''That's right Miss, he's gone.'' The police officer said in a patronising tone.

I was taken straight to a car, then to the police station where I spent my afternoon filling out paperwork and being offered tea and coffee by the prison staff. I accepted a cup from a lady with kind brown eyes, who reminded me of Wendy.

''Here you go, Ms Winters.'' She said handing me the cup with a heart-warming smile.

I took a sip and at once I knew I shouldn't have. I felt sick. I rushed from the seat into the lavatory which, thank goodness, was situated next to the room I was in. I threw up violently, holding my aching stomach. Just another harsh reminder of the 'little problem' bloodyface had left behind.

''I'm so sorry, Miss, I didn't think. It's probably your nerves, all shaken up like.'' The woman said, handing me tissue.

''Yes. That's it. My nerves.'' I said, my voice shaking.

I hadn't told anyone but my two dearest friends about my 'little problem' and when I met them the next day at Wendy's memorial they insisted they knew just what to do. Aubrey pressed a small piece of paper into my palm.

''Here's the number for the ex-doctor like we discussed. She's totally legitimate and will help you, you know, get rid of…'' she eyed my stomach.

I thanked them, ushering them through the back way so the gaggle of reporters waiting outside didn't hassle them too. I got into the waiting car and when I'd rolled up my window I had a sudden change of heart. I wanted to go home; to the home I once shared with Wendy.

''Please, I know I instructed a hotel but this is important.'' I told the driver.

I let myself in with my key's I nearly threw in the trash. The first thing I did was lock all the doors and windows. I could never really feel safe anymore though. I walked into our bedroom and crawled into bed, switching off the light, not bothering to undress or wash away the make up on my face. I lay down on Wendy's side and breathed in her sweet smell. Gut wrenching sobs tore through my body.

''Oh Wendy, what am I going to do?'' I sobbed.

I curled up into a ball feeling cold and alone, more alone than I felt in Threadson's basement, more alone than in the stone walled cells of Briarcliff. I rested my hand on my stomach.

''Just me and you now, eh?'' I said to the unborn.

Shit, what was I doing? I scolded myself. It wasn't just us. It was just me. This baby wouldn't be here tomorrow so what the fuck was I doing talking to the monster _he's_ planted inside me? The word 'monster' stung like a slap to the face. It was harsh, but it was true. I couldn't live my life staring into the face of Threadson's child and tomorrow, the problem would be gone. I just needed sleep, if only I wasn't so damned nervous.

I arrived at the home of the woman who would sort my problem at precisely 9am the next morning. I told her my whole story over a cup of tea, using a different name to cover my story. I knew full well what I was about to do was illegal but I was desperate. I was keen to cut to the chase so the woman, who I hadn't even asked the name of, left the room and I undressed. I positioned myself on her bed as she had instructed, scared out of my wits. More scared than I'd ever been in my life and I couldn't quite put my finger on why.

Images of the dead flashed across my eyes as the woman moved ever closer with the metal instruments, images of Threadson, Briarcliff and Wendy. But the strangest of all was the last. It was of Wendy and me. I was lying in a hospital bed with Wendy standing right beside me. I was, for some reason, heavily pregnant, and she had her soft gloved hand resting upon my stomach. And she was _smiling. _And I was smiling right back at her. I knew then what I had to do, what I should really be doing.

''Stop!'' I said, grabbing the abortionist's wrist.

''No more death.'' I said.

And I left as quickly as I'd entered. What had I done? Why had I done it? I ran all the way home and slammed the door running into the bathroom where I was promptly sick. I sobbed again, just as I'd done the night before. Then I stopped.

''Pull yourself together Winter's.'' I snapped, out loud to myself.

I knew exactly what I had to do. I had to get away, and I had to get away now. I rushed around for the next hour, packing everything, and then re-packing knowing I would need a lot more that I thought. I thought everything over as I packed, trying to talk myself out of what I was thinking of doing.

''No.'' I told myself firmly. ''I have to do this for Wendy. For Wendy.'' I repeated over and over.

I called a cab and packed everything I could fit into its boot at back seats.

''Where are we off to ma'am?'' the driver asked.

''Take me to the airport, please.'' I instructed.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. But I damn well was going to do it. And I could do it. I could raise bloodyface's child. No, scratch that. I was going to raise _my _baby. And I was going to do it for Wendy. I rested my hand over my stomach and this time, feeling a little more at ease than I had before.


	2. Chapter 2

1964/5

Lana's POV:

When I arrived at the airport I brought myself a last minute ticket to wherever the next plane was going to. I looked up at the information board. London, England was the next available flight and I wouldn't have to wait long. That's where I was going. I hauled my things into the departure lounge and took a seat. I was shaking so badly, people were staring. I planned out in my head exactly what I was going to do when I arrived in England.

I'd taken out nearly all of the money I owned from my bank account and all from Wendy's. I felt bad but I knew that it was what I needed to do. I had placed all the money into my handbag and prayed to god I didn't get searched at the airport. I knew I had taken out nearly a hundred thousand dollars, maybe more. I made a mental note to get it changed as soon as I touched down in England. Then I would go to a hotel for a few nights while I sorted out somewhere to live. Maybe an apartment or flat somewhere for a while, until the baby was born at least.

Baby. I looked down and patted my protruding stomach. It was going to be fine, I told myself. I took a deep breath and continued my mental plan. Then I would need to sort out a good source of income. I was going to be completely honest about my past up until the bloodyface saga. I had good enough credentials and would be sure to find a job. Until then I would live off the money I had taken from my account and Wendy's. Then I would need to enrol myself and my unborn baby on the NHS. After all I was nearly 18 weeks pregnant and I would need to be booked in for an ultrasound as soon as possible. I opened my eyes. The people around me where starting to board the flight so I followed, walking confidently to the departure gate. I turned and looked out of the window at the place I was leaving behind. Everything was going to be fine.

I followed my instructions to a tee when I touched down in London, not allowing the fact of what I was doing to really sink in. That was until I lay down in the hotels crisp sheets those first few nights, where I would cry myself to sleep, vowing to get the next flight home. But when I woke each morning I knew I needed to stay. I could do this, I told myself over and over again, rubbing my stomach gently. It felt like it was me and this baby against the world and I was, slowly but surely, falling in love with the life inside me. This wasn't _his _baby any longer. It was mine.

By the end of the first week in England I had acquired a small apartment in a block of flats somewhere on the outskirts of London. Being so close to the nation's capital, it was more expensive than I'd hoped but that was okay because I had already got four job interviews too. I had also enrolled on the NHS and had my very first ultrasound scan booked and sorted. I was so proud of myself for what I had accomplished and, to tell the truth, I was excited about my new life here. I spent Christmas alone, obviously, and saw the New Year in with one final glass of wine and I cigarette. That would be the next thing to go, the bad habits. I threw the nearly full bottle and empty packet of cigarettes in the bin the next morning. I caressed my belly and smiled, proud of myself once more.

I lay on the squishy couch in the doctor's office as he spread the cold jelly over my tiny bump. He moved the device in his hand gently over my skin and my heart raced. Why was I so damned nervous again?

''Just moved from America, Ms Winters?'' He asked.

''Yes.'' I said, not telling him anymore.

I looked up at the dark screen as the image came into view on the monitor. Tears welled in my eyes and my breath hitched in my throat as I saw for the first time, my baby. The tiny form came into focus on the screen and a single tear rolled down my cheek. For the first time in a long time, I was truly happy.

''Would you like to know the sex of your baby Ms Winters?'' The doctor asked me.

''Of course.'' I replied but I didn't need. Mary Eunice had already told me I was having a son.

''Well, Ms Winters, you're expecting a girl.'' The ultrasound technician said in his new English accent.

I looked up at him, stunned.

''Excuse me?'' I said. ''Are you sure?'' I asked.

''Yes. 100% Ms Winters, you're carrying a little lady.'' He said. ''Is everything okay?'' He asked, putting down the device in his hand.

''Yes, perfectly. It's just, well I was convinced I was having a boy.'' I replied, laughing a little.

The devil doesn't know everything, I thought to myself. The doctor informed me he needed to find some documents for me to fill in and he left me alone in the side room while we went to collect them. I reached for the blue paper towels situated next to the bed to wipe my stomach but then stopped and my hand reached for the device the doctor had just placed down.

I lay back on the bed and, propping myself up with one hand, I moved the device over my bump. I looked up at the screen and saw her again, my little girl. I bit my bottom lip and spoke softly to my daughter.

''I love you.'' I told her, tears rolling free from my eyes again. ''I love you so much.''

I kissed three fingers of my left hand and pressed them against my belly. And in that moment I could of sworn I felt a familiar hand come to rest upon my shoulder. And it felt like Wendy's. I knew she was with me then and I knew she always would be.


	3. Chapter 3

1965

Lana's POV:

s POV:

''Well done Lana, almost there now!'' My midwife called, beaming at me.

I sat up on my elbows and pushed once more. The pain was excruciating but I pressed on, wanting more than anything to hold my daughter in my arms.

I had taken myself to the hospital in my new car at three this morning after having several contractions. My new neighbour, Lily, had offered help if I needed it but I was determined to do this on my own. I was in so much pain and the journey to the hospital had seemed like an eternity but I finally made it and in good time to because as I arrived in reception, my waters promptly broke on the white marble floor.

I had been here for five hours and I could tell I was near the end of my ordeal. Suddenly a pain I had never felt before tore through my body and I screamed out, my vision going black. I heard my midwife pull a cord on the wall and a herd of doctors, nurses and midwives made their way briskly into my side room.

''Ms Winters, your baby is becoming distressed, you need to push now.'' A doctor informed me.

I panicked and pushed with all my might, even though it only made the pain worse. Nothing happened. I pushed again and again until finally my pain decreased dramatically in a hot rush. I looked down, my vision blurry, to be greeted with a disheartening pool of blood between my thighs.

''Please where's my baby?'' I asked my voice hoarse.

But no one answered.

''Please!'' I called and a young midwife rushed over and took hold of my hand.

''She's not breathing Miss, the doctors are doing everything they can.'' She told me, her tone patronising, and not at all comforting.

''No please, she has to be alright! I've come all this way, please!'' I called, but not to the trainee. I was praying but not to God, but to Wendy, to Threadson. I needed my baby to be okay. I couldn't live without her. I'd been through so much to fall so far now. It wasn't fair. I cried out again and again, worsening the pain I was in but I didn't care. I started bargaining with my life.

''Take me instead of her, please!'' I sobbed.

The young midwife took my wrists and tried to calm me down, to stop me from screaming.

''Calm down Miss, please you'll make yourself worse!'' She said grabbing my flailing arms.

''DON'T TELL ME TO FUCKING CALM…'' I stopped.

A shriek like ice and fire filled the room and stopped everyone in their tracks. It was my baby. She was alive.

''Please, give her to me!'' I cried.

They rushed my baby over, still wrapped in her blood-soaked blanket, still trying to regulate her breathing. They placed her gently over my chest and I pulled her close with my bloody hands, vowing never to let go. I looked down at the beauty in my arms and was taken a-back by what I saw. She was somewhat blue in the face but was beautiful. I was expecting a mass of dark Oliver-like hair but she was brown-haired and pale, her eyes a warm comforting brown. They were eyes I had seen before and when I felt the same hand on my shoulder I'd felt all those month before, I knew where.

She didn't look at all like Threadson. She looked like my Wendy. Tears spilled down my face and I kissed her forehead, squeezing my eyes tight with pride. I felt completely disconnected from the world around me as I spoke for the first time to my daughter.

''You're so beautiful. I love you, I love you so much.'' I croaked.

''What's her name to be Miss?'' The young midwife asked me, bringing me back down to earth.

She was crying to, as were a few of the nurses now surrounding my bed. I must have made quite a scene. My baby looked up at me with her big round eyes and my heart swelled with love. I'd only ever felt love for another person in this whole wide world and that was Wendy.

''Wendy. Her name is Wendy.'' I said, beaming at my precious daughter.

''And a fine name it is too.'' She said.

Wendy started to cry. I rocked her gently but one of the nurses came over to be and gently unbuttoned my nightgown as the rest of the team left the room.

''She needs feeding Miss.'' She told me.

''No, wait um. Clean her up first?'' I suggested my heart pounding.

The nurse took my daughter in her arms to the station over the other side of the room. I couldn't feed her. I was scared. Images of Threadson flashed across my eyes.

''Can I get myself sorted first? Just quickly?'' I asked.

''Of course Miss, but quickly as your daughter is really hungry. Pull the cord, someone will come and help you up.'' She said.

I was helped into the bathroom by the young midwife who sat with me as I washed away the blood and sweat from my body. I lay back in the water and I could hear the cries of my daughter from the next room becoming louder. I felt the reassuring hand on my shoulder once again. She needed me.

I hoped out of the bath and dried myself off, wincing in pain. I put a clean nightshirt on and sat carefully on the chair beside my hospital bed.

''Pass her to me, please.'' I said, my outstretched hands shaking.

The midwife passed me the now clean Wendy and I unbuttoned my gown and pulled her to my chest. She latched on, suckling happily but I didn't feel nervous any more. It was an altogether different feeling. I kissed her and cradled her head as she carried on drinking. I didn't take my eyes off her beautiful face.

''I'm… I'm so happy.'' I cried and the midwife passed me a wad off tissues.

''She really is a precious baby.'' She said with a wink.

And then she left me alone with Wendy. After she'd finished feeding I sat with her in my arms for a while, watching her sleep, my love for her growing by the second.

''I love you darling. I love you more than the world. I'll be right here forever, I'll love you and look after you and be your mother until the day you die.'' I told her, meaning every word.

''Right okay mommy, time to fill out the birth certificate.'' Came the voice of a young doctor.

The word 'mommy' shocked me out of my trance and I looked up into the kind face of the young doctor. I knew he only meant well but the word 'mommy' still brought back some unwanted memories. I took the pen from his steady hand and signed my name at the top of the paper, leaving the 'father' line blank and not giving it much thought.

I reached the bottom and wrote my daughter's name

_Wendy Victoria Winters _


	4. Chapter 4

1965

Lana's POV:

It was several days before I was allowed to take my precious daughter home. Her breathing was still shallow and got worse before it got better. I blamed myself for my smoking at the beginning of my pregnancy and watched over her cot every night, barley sleeping, racked with guilt.

''You should get some rest Ms Winters, you've had quite the ordeal to you know.'' My midwife said who regularly came to check on me and Wendy.

''It's not your fault love.'' She said rubbing my back, making my eyes sting with fresh tears.

''I have to say here.'' I told her firmly, stroking Wendy's clenched fist.

But eventually I gave in, my exhaustion overcoming me. When I woke up on the fourth day of her hospital stay my new neighbour, Lily was sitting in the chair next my bed. She was young, pale and pretty with fair hair and sea blue eyes. She smiled a wide toothy smile when she saw I was awake.

''Lana! How are you?'' She asked.

''I'm… fine. Oh god, is Wendy okay?'' I asked, hauling my tired body up on my elbows.

''She's fine, she's fine. I've been keeping an eye on her.'' She said, beaming over at the cot.

''What are you doing here?'' I asked, glad for the company.

''Well when you didn't come home yesterday I knew you must still be here so came as quickly as I could. They said I can take you home today.'' She said.

I could see my things packed in the corner ready to go. Lily must've done that. I smiled up at her to show how grateful I was. I really, really liked Lily but… I couldn't allow myself feel that way about somebody again. I had Wendy now and she was all I needed. I needed to focus on being a mother, and a good one at that.

''I'll take you home Lana, my cars outside.'' She said.

''Thanks for the offer, Lily but I drove myself here. I think I can manage.'' I said as kindly as possible to the blonde.

''Oh, okay. Well please yourself. I'll pop over to your flat tomorrow sometime okay? Just too check you're okay like.'' She said.

I smiled in response and she rubbed my shoulder and got up to leave.

''Bye- bye Wendy.'' She said softly to my sleeping daughter, touching her cheek with her finger.

Her action made me smile but I quickly pushed it away. As soon as Lily was gone I got myself up and dressed carefully so as not to tear my stitches. Little did I know I'd suffered a tear during Wendy's birth, only to be noticed when I got up from feeding her three days earlier to reveal a pool of blood beneath me.

I shuddered at the thought and got to dressing Wendy. I picked her up gently and she opened her big brown eyes and yawned.

''Hello my darling. We're going home.'' I told her, kissing her tiny button nose.

She pulled a face that made my heart swell. I loved her more than anything, she was so precious. I dressed her in a baby-grow and wrapped her new blanket around her before settling her gently into her new carry-seat.

I thanked all the doctors and nurses and left for the car, with Wendy in sleeping in her carry-seat on my arm and my midwife carrying my case.

''Thank-you for everything.'' I said, hugging her.

''It's my pleasure dear. You know in all my 30 years working as a midwife I've never seen love like I saw in your eyes when you first held your daughter.'' She said.

Her comment made me proud and I looked at Wendy, beaming.

''Thank-you. You don't know how much that means to me.'' I said.

''Think nothing of it dear, and I'll be round to check up on you before the end of the week.'' She said, taking Wendy from me and placing her into my car beside me.

I thanked her for a final time and drove myself and my new-born daughter home. I held her tiny hand all the way home, running my thumb over her soft knuckles. Luckily, my flat was on the bottom floor and I unlocked the door and hauled everything in, gently placing Wendy's carry-seat down on my little sofa. I locked the door and sighed, looking round at my new home, my new life and how much I'd accomplished. The flat wasn't much, with a conjoined kitchen and lounge leading off to two tiny bedrooms and one bathroom. It would be fine for now until Wendy was a little older perhaps.

I had landed myself a nice office job just two weeks after moving here and I intended to return as soon as Wendy was old enough to attend a private nursery or child minder in six months or so. Wendy began to cry from her seat so I hurried over and plucked her out, holding her close to my chest. She needed feeding. I swallowed nervously and sat down on the couch, unbuttoning my blouse to feed my hungry daughter. She suckled happily as she'd done before and I let out a shaky sigh of relief. When she was finally asleep I placed her in her new white cot at the foot of my bed and then got to work putting away my things, and then Wendy's into her room.

I got washed and clambered into bed early, as I knew Wendy would need feeding in the night and I would need all the sleep I could get. I got up a few times before really settling down, once to check the doors and windows and twice to check Wendy's breathing, placing my hand over her tiny chest. I felt her shallow breaths and the beating of her heart and felt relieved. I lay on my back; pillows propped up behind me to see my daughters crib and smiled. I leaned over to the lamp and my hand dropped to the framed photo of my lover still situated next to the bed. I kissed two fingers of my left hand and touched the glass.

''Goodnight Wendy.'' I said.

''Goodnight Wendy-Victoria.'' I said softly to my sleeping daughter.

I switched off the light and lay silent in the darkness, listening carefully to Wendy's breathing.

''Goodnight Lana.'' I thought I heard a sweet someone say as I shut my eyes and fell into a dreamless slumber.


	5. Chapter 5

1965

Lana's POV:

Wendy woke no less than 12 times during that first night. Her struggled breathing made it hard for her to stay asleep and she was crying constantly, on top of needing feeding and changing. It was four in the morning before I got a good two hours undisturbed sleep and then I was woken again at around 6:30. I decided to stay awake then and got Wendy up and dressed.

''Come on little lady, you need changing.'' I said, lifting Wendy out of her cot.

I was exhausted but I wouldn't stop to rest for one minute. Wendy needed everything I could give her so I sat with her in my arms constantly, letting her sleep there while I paced the floor and rocked her. I began to get teary around mid-day. Wendy just wouldn't settle and I couldn't work out what was wrong. I'd tried everything, feeding and changing, singing, different clothes to keep her cool then a blanket in case she was too cold. I sang lullaby's and rocked her, I sat and stroked her darling face but nothing would quiet her.

I didn't hear the doorbell over the sound of Wendy's wailing and my sobbing so it took a few knocks and rings before I even noticed. I wiped my eyes frantically realising I hadn't even got myself dressed and how much of a mess I looked. Realising It could not be helped I cautiously answered the door. It was Lily from next door looking as bright and radiant as ever.

''Lana is everything all right?'' she asked, looking at the crying baby in my arms and my matted hair and tear stained face.

''Um… not really.'' I said, my voice shaking and my bottom lip trembling.

''Oh, come here you poor love.'' Lily said, letting herself in and taking the now screaming Wendy from me.

''Thank-you Lily.'' I said, locking the door and following her to the couch.

She sat carefully, taking a muslin from the arm of the sofa and putting it over her shoulder. She placed Wendy on top of the cloth and rubbed her back gently.

''Shh, shh.'' She cooed and sure enough, Wendy quietened down dramatically.

She brought up wind and then fell asleep within five minutes flat. I just stared at Lily in awe.

''I take it it's not the first time you've done that?'' I said.

Lily smiled but I could see a hint of sadness behind her aquamarine eyes. I took Wendy from her and took her to my bedroom and placed her in her cot, as gently as I could so as not to wake her again.

When I returned to my sitting room Lily was staring blankly out of the window opposite her. She smiled up at me but I could tell something was wrong. All my years as a nosey journalist sensed the sadness that lingered in the air and it wasn't just my own.

''Lily are _you _okay?'' I asked, sitting down next to her and taking her hand.

''I had a little baby once.'' She said.

I swallowed. Her eyes filled with tears. Oh god, I could feel myself welling up too. Stay calm Winters.

''Her name was Sarah. But she…'' Her breath caught in her throat as she let out a flurry of tears.

''Oh Lily, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?'' I asked.

I thought I knew Lily well. She'd left her abusive ex-husband and was living alone and, like myself, hadn't kept in contact with any of her family. She'd always seemed like a bright and happy person and over the past nine months, we'd grown close as friends. I told myself I'd never trust a single human being again as long as I lived but something about Lily was honest and true. And I liked that. I cupped her face in my hands and she stopped crying.

''I'm always here Lily, if you ever want to talk about it. I know what it's like to lose someone you love; to be disowned by everyone you thought loved you. I know.'' I said.

''You do?'' She said, sniffing.

Now, I hadn't been completely honest with Lily about my past either. I told her I'd left my partner in America to start a new life and that that was all there was to it.

''I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I was discriminated by society. Lily, I was raped. I had my girlfriend taken away from me by my rapist. I was thrown in a madhouse. I was drugged, electrocuted, beaten. I fell pregnant with my rapist's child. You name it, it's happened to me.'' I said.

Lily's mouth was open in shock. She pointed through to where Wendy was and I nodded. She took a deep breath and took my hands in her own.

''Life's a piece of shit to women like us.'' She said.

''Like us?'' I pressed on.

''The ones who are too damned kind for their own good.'' She said.

I laughed for the first time in a long time. I looked up at Lily. There was the strange connection I'd once felt when I first met my lover, Wendy. I must have looked a sight but I didn't care. I told myself to never trust anyone again but I didn't care. Lily looked at my lips and I looked at hers. She moved forwards and…

The doorbell sounded. I sighed and Lily got up to answer it for me. Suddenly my heart skipped a beat.

''Lily wait I don't…'' but it was too late. She'd opened the door.

Standing in the doorway was a woman I hadn't seen in over 10 years. She looked the same but different in her navy skirt suit and the sheer sight of her caused my head to swim.

It was my mother.


	6. Chapter 6

1965

Lana's POV:

It was my mother. She was dressed in a smart skirt suit but she looked a little dishevelled and older than I remembered. My head swam and I leaned against the wall to support myself. She looked nervous but I wasn't. I was appalled. How dare she show her face here after everything she'd put me through… how did she find me?

''Hello Lana.'' She greeted me, swallowing nervously.

''You've got a nerve.'' I threatened.

''Please, Lana we need to talk.'' She said.

Before I could reply Lily broke in.

''I'll be going Lana, um, shall I pop over tomorrow?'' She said, turning a dramatic shade of red.

''Of course Lily.'' I said, closing the door behind her and turning to face my mother.

''What do you want?'' I spat, angry that she'd spoilt that precious moment with Lily.

''Lana I saw your photograph in the newspaper. Is it all true?'' She said, her dark eyes filling with tears.

''If it said I had been thrown in a madhouse, raped by a killer of women and then shot him through the skull then yes it's true.'' I said firmly, not batting an eyelid to her emotions.

''Lana I…'' she trailed off.

''Mother your tears won't wash with me. Ten years ago you told me you never wanted to see my face again because I was gay. You threatened my Wendy, you turned my whole family against me, including father! And you have the nerve to show up here?'' I half shouted, careful not to wake my sleeping daughter.

''Lana they said you were missing and pregnant with that monsters baby!'' She said. ''So I… I tracked you down. Don't ask me how I did it and I'm sorry it took so long.'' She cried, reaching for my arm.

I wanted more than anything then to throw myself into her arms, but I had learnt my lesson about trust. I stepped back smartly, a smirk on my face to show I was strong. Then a loud wail came from my bedroom. Mother's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open.

She turned on her heels and ran for the bedroom, but I was quicker. I pushed past her and scooped Wendy up into my arms, holding her tight and close. She stopped crying at once and looked up at me with loving eyes. I smiled back and turned to face mother.

''Is that… the killers baby?'' She whispered, her hands shaking.

''This is my daughter.'' I stated, holding Wendy close.

We said nothing for a while and mother was shaking, but I still felt strong. I didn't need or want her here. I just wanted to be alone with Wendy. Mother walked forward, her hand outstretched as she reached for Wendy. And I let her. She touched her face and tears streamed down her cheeks. She wiped them furiously with her handkerchief and took a deep breath.

''Poor child.'' She said, clearing her throat and stepping back.

''Excuse me?'' I said.

''It's just, well I would of thought you would have had her taken away. How can you look into the face of his child? Doesn't that frighten you?'' She said, raising her eyebrows.

''What frightens me mother is how much I want to hurt you right now. Wendy is my daughter, no one else's. When I look into her face I see love like I've never felt in my whole life, I see myself, I see hope, I see strength. And I'll teach her about all the evils of the world, make no mistake. I'll tell her about her evil father and I'll tell her about you. I'll tell her how mommy was beaten and tortured and hurt. I'll tell her what I am and how women like me are treated, how you treated me. But most of all ill teach her how to be strong like me, how to raise above everything that life throws at her because I love her and I'll be there for her. I'll be the mother you never were, the mother I wished for!'' I yelled.

She reached forward for Wendy again but I pulled my daughter back, and pointed to the door.

''Get out. Now. I never want to hear from you again. You will tell nobody where I am and you will tell them I'm safe and want to be left alone. You owe me this mother, please leave.'' I said firmly.

''Lana, please. I haven't seen you in ten years; you can't just push me away. That's my granddaughter your holding in your arms.'' She said, laughing it off.

''I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Get out.'' I said, pushing her lightly towards the door.

''Lana, please!'' she called but she saw already out of the door.

''And if you ever come back, you'll wish you hadn't. Tell father I love him and I forgive him. It wasn't his decision to lose me forever.'' I said.

''It was yours.''

And with that I slammed the door in her face and carried my daughter to my bedroom. I sat on my bed and held her close.

''Mommy loves you.'' I told her. ''Never, never forget it.'' I said, kissing her head and breathing in her sweet smell.

I placed Wendy in her carry cot and took her into the bathroom with me where I ran myself a bath. I was in and out in ten minutes, washing my hair and shaving my legs in double quick time. I got out and dried my hair while stroking Wendy's cheek gently, her beauty still taking my breath away. I chose my nicest outfit from the wardrobe and got dressed and applied a quick coat of make-up. I was ready inside an hour and I took Wendy out of her carry cot and got her changed into another baby grow.

Making sure my flat was locked and mother was long gone I made my way along the balcony with Wendy in my arms and found myself knocking lightly on Lily's front door. She answered quickly and looked surprised to see me.

''Lana!'' She said, beaming at me.

''Hello little Wendy.'' She cooed.

''Can I come in Lily? I'm so sorry about earlier.'' I asked.

''Of course Lana.'' She said, making my heart flutter.


	7. Chapter 7

5 Years Later

1970

Lana's POV:

''Say cheese!'' Lily laughed as she snapped the final photograph of the day.

I held Wendy high above my head and she squealed with delight as her long brown hair floated in the sea wind. I smiled proudly up at my beautiful daughter and Lily beamed at us both.

It was Wendy's fifth birthday and we had taken her to the beach for the afternoon to have a picnic on the sand. Wendy struggled out of my grasp and made her way across the sand and back to her sand castle. I laughed and walked back across the sandy white beach to meet my lover.

It had been a long five years but I was proud to say I had made it through the ordeal that had nearly broken me. I kissed Lily hard, ignoring the stares we received from the people around us. Lily and I had officially been a couple for three years. After losing my first lover I thought I would never feel that way about somebody again but then Lily came along and became a constant in mine and my daughter's life. I loved her with all my heart and so did Wendy, who adored having two mommies.

She had never questioned our relationship at all and often boasted to her new friends at school that she had two mommies and, as she had decided herself, didn't need a daddy. If only everyone else we encountered were as accepting, but it didn't bother me and Lily one bit. We brought our first house together about a year ago, in Cornwall. It was a perfect location, close to my workplace and Lily's, as well as Wendy's new school. My life couldn't have been more perfect and I reminded myself every day how different it could have been had I not got on that flight six years ago.

''I love you darling.'' Lily said to me as I sat down next to her on the sandy blanket.

''I love you too.'' I replied, taking her hand and both turning our heads to watch our daughter who was currently adding a moat to her sand castle.

''And… I don't say this often enough Lana, but I'm proud of you.'' She said, giving my hand a squeeze.

''I did what I had to do Lil, there's nothing extraordinary about me.'' I said, biting my bottom lip.

''No Lana, everything about you is extraordinary. You are one amazing, strong and beautiful woman. You should give yourself more credit.'' She said, looking deep into my chestnut eyes with her blue ones and making me blush.

''Mommies! Look my castle is finished!'' Wendy said, running through the sand towards us.

''Wendy darling, slow down! Your asthma!'' I said, reminding her to be careful.

Wendy was now a beautiful, happy 5 year old. She was top of her new class, clever and beautiful. She had long brown hair, much like my own now and flawless pale skin. She continued to remind me of Wendy, although she had taken on many of my traits now. Some good, some not so (her bossiness being one of them!) but in all of five years, to my relief, she had never once reminded me of Threadson. I decided I would be honest with her one day, about where she came from, and I knew exactly what and how much I would tell her.

But Wendy suffered terribly with breathing problems right from birth and had to carry an inhaler with her everywhere she went. I still blamed myself but Lily often told me it couldn't be helped. She had had no less than five asthma attacks in the past year and though we wanted her to go out and have fun, she had to be careful.

''It's beautiful my sweet.'' Lily said, catching hold of our daughter and pulling her into a tight hug to stop her from running anymore.

I could hear Wendy's breathing becoming shallow and wheezy so I took her blue inhaler from my purse and pulled her onto my lap.

''Come on Wendy, you need your special puffer.'' I told her, stroking her long curls.

''Okay.'' She said sulkily in a tone that reminded me of myself.

I bit my lip and tried not to laugh at her expression. She took her inhaler and before long was off again, running barefoot through the sand back to her castle.

''I love her so much.'' Lily beamed, watching our daughter add more turrets to her castle.

''Me too, more than the world.'' I replied, laying back and dozing in the hot sun.

Lily joined me, laying her head on my shoulder, her blonde hair splaying across my chest. I caressed the soft skin of her arm gently and began to nod off, my tiredness once again getting the better of me.

I was woken a little wild later to Lily jumping up frantically and taking off down the beach. I sat up, dazed and focused my eyes on where Lily was running too. I saw my daughter lying on the sand, struggling for breath and a small crowd gathered around her.

''WENDY!'' I screamed and tore down the beach after Lily.

I pushed some people out of the way and fell to the floor and pulled my blue-lipped daughter into my arms and rocked her softly while Lily got her inhaler ready. Another asthma attack.

''I've already called an ambulance!'' A woman shouted from the steps leading down to the beach, which had obviously just been to the phone box.

''Wendy, darling stay with me!'' I called shaking her fragile body.

''Mommy.'' She gasped.

''Shh, shh don't talk baby, just focus on your breathing.'' I told her.

She began to close her eyes again as Lily grabbed hold of her hand and shook her arm. But she didn't respond. Lily's eyes brimmed with tears and she called out for her.

I lifted my head up to the sky again and prayed, but not to god, to Threadson.

''Don't you dare take her from me now! Do you hear me?'' I screamed as I heard the wails of an ambulance in the distance.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N – Thank you so much guys, the response to this story has been incredible! Please keep reviewing and telling me what you think, I really appreciate it. I plan on posting at least another five chapters and the rating may change in the future. Thank you! :) **

1970

Lana's POV:

I paced the empty hospital corridor, up and down and up and down. I couldn't sit still, I just couldn't. I bit my nails and continued pacing, looking every so often at the clock. I hadn't seen a single doctor or nurse in over an hour and I was starting to get panicky. I looked over at Lily who was sitting on the single chair, tapping her foot and wringing her wrists.

''Oh god, how much longer?'' She exclaimed.

I didn't answer. I just continued pacing. Wendy had to be alright, she just had to. I couldn't live without her. She was my world, Lily's world. Every step forward in my life I would take two steps back. It just wasn't fair.

''What did I do to deserve this!'' I screamed, falling on my knees hard and sobbing.

Lily flew to my side, dropping her handbag and pulling my close, knowing we were alone in the empty hospital corridor. She stroked my loose curls and placed a long kiss on my scarred temple.

''She'll be alright, Lana. She will.'' She said.

I nodded and Lily helped me off the cold hard floor and pulled me onto her lap on the only available chair. I felt like a kid again.

''Ms Winters?'' A tall, dark consultant appeared from a side room and walked briskly over to me.

''Yes, that's me. Wendy, oh my god is she okay? Please…'' I rose from my lover's lap and ran to meet him.

''Can I please speak with you? Alone.'' He added, eyeing Lily and thinking she must be a friend.

''No, this is my partner and we can speak together.'' I stated, not caring for his opinion.

He raised his eyebrows and pawed through his notes and Lily came to join us.

''Ms Winters your daughters asthma is by far one of the worst cases I or any of my team have ever seen in a child her age. She's okay, but she is currently on a ventilator to assist her with her breathing. Just so you are aware, her heart stopped. Twice, Ms Winters. We are not yet sure but we suspect she could have a substantial amount of brain damage due to the deprivation of oxygen.'' He explained.

Wendy was alive and that was all I needed to hear. Brain damaged or not, my daughter was alive and I ran past the consultant, with Lily in tow and barged into Wendy's private suite.

Tubes of all shapes and sizes seemed to flow to and from her tiny body at every angle. Fluids dripped into her through an IV line and a mask covered most of her face. I could only be sure it was her from the long, chestnut hair that fanned out to cover her pillow.

''Wendy!'' I exclaimed, running to her side and clasping her hand in mine.

Tears streamed down my face as I realised she was unconscious. I wanted more than anything to tell her just how much I loved her. Lily closed the door gently behind us and walked over, stroking Wendy's forehead and kissing her. We sat for hours, not talking, but watching our daughter, waiting for her to come to.

''Mama.'' She said at long last in a struggled and croaky voice.

''Wendy, darling you're okay, were here.'' I said, comforting my daughter as lily ran for the nurses on duty.

''Mama, I was only building a castle.'' She croaked.

''I know baby, I know. Its okay.'' I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

''I saw… I saw a lady mommy.'' She struggled, her lungs heaving with every word.

''When baby?'' I asked, holding her hand tighter.

''When I was sleeping. She told me her name was Wendy too, like me and that it wasn't my time yet.'' She took a sharp intake of breath and continued. ''She told me to tell you that she was proud mama. Proud of you.'' She said, coughing.

The tears continued rolling down my cheeks and falling into my lap. I didn't know how to respond and that was when Lily came crashing through again with a mass of nurses in tow. One of them hurried over to check Wendy and I just sat back, staring into the far corner, feeling completely cut off from what was happening around me. Wendy had seen… Wendy.

I felt a firm hand on my arm which brought me out of my daze. Lily crouched down beside me and brushed my hair out of my face.

''Lana are you okay darling?'' She asked.

''I'm perfect.'' I said with a smile.


	9. Chapter 9

1981

Lana's POV:

''And don't forget your inhaler Wendy!'' I called through to my daughter's bedroom.

It was a Saturday night and Wendy was going clubbing for the first time. She was 16 and insisted all of her friends were going so Lily and I had reluctantly agreed to let her go.

''Okay mom!'' She called back, sounding rather miffed.

''Don't you worry none Lana, she'll be fine.'' Lily comforted, topping up my wine glass.

Lily had always been more carefree than I had and I was finding it hard to allow Wendy the freedom she so desperately craved. Maybe it was her health, her age or maybe just my own fear of the past that caused me to be so overprotective. I didn't know. I just wanted my daughter safe, always. But tonight I had decided she could go out because it meant a night alone with Lily which was something that rarely happened nowadays.

Wendy walked into the sitting room and fiddled with her up-do in the mirror above the fireplace. She was stunning, our daughter. Tall and slim with long chestnut hair. She was pale and rouge-lipped and was always well turned out. But like all sixteen year olds, she was unhappy with the way she looked and continued toying with her hair and to-short dress for a good ten minutes.

''It's no use guys, I think my dress is to short.'' She said, flummoxed, placing her hands on her hips.

''You look stunning Wendy, but yes it is a little short.'' Lily said, earnestly.

''Can I borrow some tights or something mom?'' She asked me.

''Of course darling, there's some in my bedside draw.'' I said, gesturing toward Lily and I's room.

She left the room hurriedly, not wanting to be late and I settled back to watching TV with Lily. A few moments later and almighty clatter came from our bedroom. Lily and I stood up in unison.

''Wendy?'' I called, running for our room.

Wendy got to the door before I could reach her. She was breathing heavily and she held onto the doorframe for support. But it wasn't her asthma. In her hand she held a blue ring binder. I swallowed hard.

''You better sit down.'' I told her, my heart thumping against my ribcage.

In her hand, Wendy held the folder I had kept which contained everything to do with my past. Photos of my first lover, Wendy, my Briarcliff release papers and all of the documents kept on my 'treatment'. There were newspaper articles about me and some about bloodyface from 1964 all the way up until 1970. I had them sent to England for me by my good friend Aubrey. I had kept Wendy's ultrasound photos, birth certificate and the piece of paper I was handed my Mary Eunice to confirm my pregnancy. I had kept it all in hope of one day explaining to my daughter exactly where she came from. But I just couldn't muster the courage to do it. But it was too late now.

''What… what is this?'' She stammered, having obviously pawed through it.

''It's time we told you about where you came from Wendy.'' I breathed, clutching Lily's warm hand for support.

''Let me call Stevie and tell her I won't be coming.'' She said, avoiding eye contact with me and walking towards the phone.

She spoke briskly to her friend, informing them with a shaky voice that she wouldn't be coming out this evening and I sat down in my armchair, shaking with nerves. What if she hated me? What would she think? How could I tell her about him?

''You can do it Lana.'' Lily told me, squeezing my hand.

I smiled up at her but I felt physically sick. Wendy walked slowly back into the living room and sat opposite us, her knees shaking as she collapsed into the chair. I reached for the folder on the coffee table and began by removing photos of Wendy and me, taken before my capture in 1964. I handed them to her and she took them with her shaking hands.

''That's Wendy Peyser.'' I told her. She nodded.

''I know.'' She said. ''This… this is the lady I saw.'' She said, trying to stay calm.

''I lived with Wendy, in America. She was my girlfriend. She was the woman who I named you after.'' I told her as she pawed through the photos. Lily bit her nails nervously; she always got a bit awkward when I talked about Wendy.

''Okay, so tell me mom.'' Wendy said, handing the photos back to me. ''Who's my father?'' She said.

I took a deep breath. I had been dreading this moment for 16 years. I thought I had planned it all well enough but now my brain had turned to mush. I started by handing her all my Briarcliff papers.

''In 1964 Wendy, I was working as a reporter. I was asked to cover the case of a redound serial killer named bloodyface. I visited the asylum where he was going to be held captive, in hope of finding out more about his case.'' I swallowed hard. The mention of his name still shook me to the core.

Wendy picked up my treatment papers. She pawed through them, tears welling in her eyes.

''Electroshock therapy, hydrotherapy, aversion-conversion therapy. Mom you were… taken hostage because… because you're a homosexual?'' She said her eyes wide with terror.

''Yes, I was. I was held as an inmate at Briarcliff after Wendy was forced to sign papers, allowing my submission. I was treated despicably Wendy. I won't tell you everything that happened to me in that place but I can assure you, it still makes me feel violated and sick.'' I said.

''But I carried on my work, undercover, still trying to unmask bloodyface. Little did I know he was right under my nose as a physiatrist, my physiatrist and not the man they all thought he was. Dr Oliver Threadson told me he was going to help me escape.'' I said, allowing her a moment to take everything in.

''But Wendy, he was the killer of women.'' I said, handing her with shaky hands the short synopsis I had written about bloodyface, and the terrible things he had done to the women before me.

She held her hand tightly over her mouth as she read, tears running down her cheeks. I had left the most disturbing and disgusting parts out but I still wrote in detail all the things he had done.

''Mom, what did he to do you?'' She asked taking my quivering hands in her own.

''He raped me Wendy, he violated me in every way imaginable. He was an unspeakable human being.'' I said.

I strange sound escaped her throat as I continued to tell her how he had killed Wendy Peyser, and how I had managed to escape his basement only to find myself back at Briarcliff. But she wasn't listening properly, her eyes far and distant. She already knew what was coming.

''When I arrived back at the asylum I was taken to see Sister Mary Eunice, who was at the time, in charge.'' I began.

I took a deep breath and Lily took my free hand as I grasped tighter onto Wendy's.

''She told me I was… I was pregnant.'' I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

''No.'' Wendy said, her voice barley a whisper. She snatched her hand away from me and sat back in the chair, curling into a ball and sobbing.

''Wendy listen to me.'' I commanded and she looked up at me, still bawling.

''Don't you ever think for a moment I didn't love you because I did. At first I was scared shitless. What did I have to offer a child in a mental institution?'' I began.

''But eventually I escaped again, with the help of the mother superior, and took the evidence of bloodyface to the police.'' I told her, pushing the newspaper clippings her way. I had cut out his face, not wanting her too see the evil face of her father.

''You shot him?'' Wendy said, wiping her eyes.

''I shot him. Then I went home to the house I shared with Wendy Peyser, packed my things and flew here to England, in hope of a better life. So I could raise my daughter.'' I told her honestly.

Wendy flicked through the pages which read 'Killer shot by his victim, Lana Winters.' And 'Lana Winters – Missing and pregnant.' She picked up her birth certificate and ultrasound scans and pawed through them in silence. I had already told her before about meeting Lily and her being there since day one so I finished there, allowing Wendy to collect her thoughts.

''Why did you keep me mom?'' She cried. ''How did you do it?'' She sobbed, standing up and pushing her hands through her hair. ''How can you even look at my face?''

''Because you weren't his daughter to me, Wendy. You were mine.'' I said.

''I don't believe you.'' She said, brushing my extended arm away.

''Alright Wendy, I was scared I admit it!'' I yelled. ''But I felt Wendy's hand on my shoulder one day and I knew I had to keep going. Had to run away, to raise you as my own and shield you from the evils of this nasty world. I fell in love with you when I went for my first scan and when I saw your tiny body inside me I knew I didn't need to be afraid any more. You might be his blood Wendy. But your my heart.'' I said.

Wendy threw herself into my arms and I sat her on my lap like I did when she was little. Tears fell free from her eyes and she shook with fear. I was scared I'd told her too much but then she calmed down and looked me in the eyes.

''I want to see him mom.'' She said.

I was about to protest but I got up at her request and made my way into my bedroom and returned with the folded piece of newspaper I'd kept hidden. I handed it to her firmly. She took it and unfolded it slowly. She touched the piece of paper with her hand, her face a mask from emotions. She rose steadily from the seat and made her way over to the mirror. She looked at her reflection then back at the piece of paper. She smiled a small smile and took another piece of photographic paper from her pocket. It was a photograph of me and Lily at the beach, taken over ten years ago.

''I love you moms.'' She said, turning to face me and Lily.

Lily was wiping her eyes and gestured for Wendy to come to her. She gave Wendy a warm hug and I took the newspaper clipping from Wendy.

I gathered up the papers and placed them all back in the ring binder, snapping it shut and taking it back to my bedroom. I walked past the fireplace and looked at the crumpled image of the monstrous Dr Threadson in my hand.

''You don't scare me anymore.'' I said as I threw him into the fire.

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 10

1985

Lana's POV:

I walked slowly over to the bookshelf and rested my mug of tea on its oak top. I pawed over the novels Lily and I had collected over the years until I came across an old photo album that I hadn't seen in forever. I took it back to my armchair and began looking through old photos, some of me some of Lily but most of our Wendy. Wendy's first birthday, trips to the beach, everything was in there. I made a mental note to add the ones from Wendy's 20th that we celebrated as a family last weekend. Her new boyfriend Mark had come to stay and we had a great time, he was so lovely and Lily and I definitely approved.

It was around 5:00 o'clock. I was alone as Wendy was staying at Mark's flat this weekend and Lily was still away visiting her cousins up in London. I couldn't get out of work to leave early enough to go with her so I decided to spend this weekend alone. I didn't mind, I never had time to myself and in all of twenty years, I thought to myself, it's the first night I've spent on my own.

A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts and I got up swiftly to answer. When I got to the door I looked through the spyglass in its centre to see who was outside. My stomach did flips and my heart skipped a beat when I saw him. It was Kit Walker.

I opened the door and looked down. It was definitely him, though his hair was cut shorter and he now wore glasses. It took me a few seconds to register he was in a wheelchair. I bent down to give him a warm hug.

''Kit! Kit what are you doing here? How did you find me?'' I asked.

''Hey Lana! I met a woman recently who told me she used to know you. Said you were very close.'' He said, smiling up at me from his chair.

''Must have been Aubrey.'' I said. ''Come in Kit, come in.'' I gestured towards the sitting room.

Kit placed his hands either side of his wheelchair and rolled in, looking round at my house in admiration. I wondered why he was in a wheelchair, I was only 52 now and he must only still be in his forty's.

''Kit what happened, are you hurt?'' I said, pouring him a glass of wine.

''Nah Lana, the big C you know?'' He said, trying to hide his sorrow with a smile.

''Oh Kit I'm so sorry.'' I said, handing him the glass and sitting back down in my chair.

''Kit, why didn't you bring Grace? And Thomas?'' I asked.

Kit smiled and scratched the side of his head.

''Bit of a long story Lana.'' He said.

''As have I Kit, we have so much to talk about.'' I said.

I spent the next few hours just sitting and listening to Kit. He told me how, when he returned home, his wife Alma was just there with their daughter Julia. How he spent two years living with them as a family until one day in 1968 when disaster struck and Alma hit rock bottom. I just couldn't believe it.

''Oh Kit, that's so awful, however did you cope? How did Julia and Thomas cope?'' I asked, tears welling in my eyes.

''We got by, they're great kids, Lana, I'd love for you to meet them one day. Though they're not so little anymore.'' He said.

I smiled a knowing smile, but I let Kit continue with his story, deciding to tell him about Wendy later. He went on to tell me how, after Alma had been admitted to Briarcliff, he found Sister Jude there. I bowed my head in shame. It was me who promised to go back for her but I never did. But Kit pulled out a photo from his jacket pocket. It was of Jude, and Julia and Thomas. And she looked so happy.

''Oh my god. You took her in.'' I said.

''I did. I couldn't leave her there Lana, it just didn't seem right. And the children, well they loved her. They even called her nana you know?'' He said, smiling at the memory.

''She died Lana, but she went so peacefully. So peacefully. She said it was her time and she looked to the foot of the bed and spoke to someone. Heck, I don't know who it was.'' He said, shaking his head. I swallowed hard.

''I do.'' I said, taking a cigarette from Kit. I knew. I hadn't smoked for nearly twenty one years due to Wendy's asthma but I felt I needed it then.

Kit took out another photo from his pocket. It was of Julia and Thomas now, in graduation caps, holding their certificates and beaming.

''Oh Kit, they're beautiful.'' I said. I took a drag from the cigarette and took the photo album I had just been looking through and gave it to Kit.

''Have a look.'' I said.

The first page contained Wendy's ultrasound scans. He looked up at me with confused and questioning eyes and then turned to the next page. The next were of Wendy shortly after she was born, taken by me and some of Lily. He turned each page and smiled at each of the photos, the ones of me and Lily, the ones of Wendy on each of her birthdays.

''Is this?'' He asked. I nodded.

''What did you name her?'' He asked.

''Wendy. Wendy Victoria Winters.'' I said.

''Does she know? About bloodyface?'' He questioned.

''She does. I wanted her to know where she came from you know?'' I said.

''I do Lana. I was the same with Thomas and Julia.'' He said smiling. ''So was Grace.''

I smiled as he smiled at the fond memories of the short time they had together.

''And who's your partner?'' He asked, pointing to the blonde lady in the photograph.

''That's Lily, oh Kit I wish you could meet them. Wendy's with her boyfriend tonight and Lily's with family. You will have to come and visit again soon, or I could come to you?'' I said. I hadn't been back to America but I needed to meet Kit's dear children.

''No Lana I, I don't have long.'' He said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his side.

''Oh Kit.'' I said, getting up and giving him a hug.

''It's been a funny old life hasn't it?'' I said.

''That it has Miss Lana banana.'' He said, making me giggle and feel like I was young again.

There was another knock at the door then. I patted Kit's shoulder and answered it. It was Wendy and she was in tears, holding her suitcases in the pouring rain on the front step.

''Wendy? Wendy whatever is the matter?'' I asked as she pushed past me and through into her bedroom.

''I'm so sorry Kit, that's my daughter, I'll be with you in a minute.'' I said, running after her.

''Wendy! Wendy what is it?'' I said, walking into her bedroom.

Wendy was sitting on the bed, crying hysterically. I grabbed her wrists but she pushed me away.

''Wendy I have a guest, Kit's here, Kit Walker, now please tell me what's wrong!'' I said.

''Mom its Mark. He's left me!'' She said, sobbing into her cushion.

''Oh Wendy.'' I said, hugging her. ''It's just young love Wendy, it doesn't last forever.'' I told her.

''No mom you don't understand.'' She howled.

''Ohh, I think I do my darling.'' I said, pushing her arm, trying to cheer her up.

She looked straight into my eyes with a look that made my head spin. She opened her mouth to speak but for some ungodly reason, I already knew what she was going to say.

''Mom, I'm pregnant.''


	11. Chapter 11

1985

Lana's POV:

I remember when Kit had gone and I just sat with Wendy and held her for what seemed like hours. I was scared, shocked and I just didn't know what to say. I stroked her head as she fell asleep on my lap on the sofa. She was only twenty. She had her whole life ahead of her. How could Mark have done this to her? Just pushed her out and left her pregnant with his child?

The way everyone else did with you, Lana, I thought to myself. I had to be strong for Wendy; I knew exactly how she must be feeling. The phone rang at around 9:00pm. Wendy sat up next to me and bit her nails as I went to answer. It was Lily.

''Hey Lana, I was just phoning to see how you were doing darling?'' She said.

''I'm, uh, fine Lily.'' I said. I looked at Wendy and rubbed her arm.

''Are you sure Lana, you don't sound fine? Oh, I hate leaving you love.'' She said.

''Lily, um.'' I didn't know what to say.

''Lana what's wrong.'' She said, worried now.

Wendy took the phone from me and went into her bedroom. I sat on the sofa and cried. She didn't deserve this, she really didn't. Wendy re-emerged a few moments later and put the phone back on the hook.

''She's coming home now mom, I insisted she stay at least until tomorrow but she wouldn't hear of it.'' She said with a shrug.

She sat down next to me and took my hands in her own. She looked into my eyes and took a deep breath. Oh Wendy…

''I know I can do this mom. I know I can, and let me tell you why. Because you did.'' She said, tears running down her cheeks and landing in her lap.

''Wendy are you sure, it's... it's massive darling.'' I said.

''I'll be okay mom, I have you and Lily. I don't need Mark.'' She said, smiling through her obvious pain.

I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her forehead, it didn't seem five minute since I first held her like this and now she was having my grandchild. Good god I was only fifty two.

''Grandma, hey? I've only just got used to mom.'' I laughed.

Wendy laughed, patting her flat stomach. The image made my own stomach knot. God knows I knew how she felt.

Lily came in around midnight looking dishevelled and panicked, hauling her cases in as quickly as she could. She ran to Wendy and there were tears all over again.

''Oh baby. Are you okay?'' She asked.

Wendy nodded and told Lily just what she had told me. Lily beamed, obviously proud of our daughter for being so strong.

''You're just like your mother, you know that?'' She said, clutching my hand.

''I know.'' She said, smiling at me.

I had never been more proud of her. I often wondered what my life would be like if I hadn't have gotten on that plane twenty years ago and it scared me. I felt the ghostly hand on my shoulder then and I was so thankful for what I had.

''Grandparents, Lana.'' Lily said to me when Wendy had gone to bed.

''Men, Lily.'' I said, still fuming with Mark.

''Fuck 'em! Fuck the lot of them!'' She said, clinking tea mugs with me.

''Lily you never swear.'' I said, laughing.

''Some occasions call for it.'' She said, kissing me.

I wondered again what my life would be if I hadn't met Lily, and that scared me too. I didn't know if I'd have coped without her. I loved her so much. She saved me and I couldn't be more grateful.

''Come on let's guess, what's she having?'' She said tapping my leg.

Mary Eunice's words suddenly rang in my ears again. ''it's a boy.'' I shivered and cleared my throat.

''I don't know Lil.'' I said.

''I reckon it's a girl, I have a feeling.'' She said, looking exited.

I remembered how she was when Wendy was a baby. I never saw her more happy than when she was with her. I felt a pang of sadness. Lily had told me about how she had lost a baby in her twenties. I knew this new baby would be good for her; she would be a great grandmother. And so would I. I just had that feeling.


	12. Chapter 12

1985

Lana's POV:

Twelve weeks flew by and before we knew it, it was time for Wendy's first scan. Lily couldn't get the time off work to come with us so I took Wendy on my own. I felt the exact same nerves I felt on the day of my first ultrasound so god only knows how Wendy must have felt.

''How are you feeling?'' I asked her when we got in the car that morning.

''Fine. Sick but fine.'' She said, biting her nails.

Wendy was already suffering with terrible morning sickness and it had really begun to get her down. She looked sad and withdrawn, her hair was limp and she wasn't the same happy lively young woman she was before. I felt sorry for her, I kept reminding her I knew exactly how she was feeling but she often pushed me away and had even rowed with Lily earlier in the week.

''It'll all be okay you know.'' I said, holding her hand tightly as we weaved through the traffic.

''Yeah.'' She replied, looking somewhere off into the distance.

We arrived a little early at the hospital, so I checked us in and Wendy took a seat. I paced the corridor, getting more and more nervous by the minute.

''Mom, sit down your making me nervous.'' Wendy said firmly.

I sat next to her and placed my hand on her knee, but she pushed me away.

''Wendy, what's wrong love?'' I asked.

''Mom I'm petrified.'' She said.

''I know love, I know your scared. About the baby, about Mark.'' I began.

''No it's not that.'' She said.

''Well what is it Wendy?'' I replied.

''I just want to make you proud mom. I don't want to fail as a mother; I want to be like you. But I could never live up to that.'' She said, tears running down her bare face.

''Oh darling, you're going to be a wonderful mom.'' I said, kissing her forehead and passing her a tissue from my handbag.

''And you do make me proud. Every single day.'' I said, welling up myself.

''Miss Winters?'' I heard a voice call.

My heart leapt. I recognised the voice. I looked up into the face of the ultrasound technician who served me nearly twenty years ago.

''And Ms Winters too.'' He said. ''Long time no see.''

''Oh my god, it's you.'' I said, standing to shake his hand.

''The last time I saw you, you were this big.'' He said to Wendy, placing his thumb and his finger together.

She laughed but she was still nervous, her hands were shaking so I grasped them tightly and we walked together into the ultrasound room. It was the same one I was first seen in although the equipment looked quite different now. Wendy lay on the bed and rolled up her t-shirt and all the while, I kept a tight hold on her hand. The technician spread the gel over her stomach.

''Ready Miss Winters?'' He asked.

''As I'll ever be.'' Wendy replied, not taking her eyes off the screen.

I took a deep breath as he moved the device over my daughter's stomach. An image came into view on the screen in front of our eyes. A tiny baby. And it was so beautiful. I looked down at Wendy who was transfixed on the image. Her eyes were wide and I couldn't read the expression on her face.

''There's your baby Miss Winters.'' He said, pointing to the tiny form on the screen.

Wendy nodded, tears trickling from her eyes, which had never left the screen. Her smile spread from ear to ear as she placed her hand above the gel. My heart warmed and I rubbed her shoulder, speaking for her.

''May we have a printout doctor?'' I said.

''Of course, I'll be right back.'' He said, putting his device down and handing Wendy some tissues.

The doctor shut the door gently behind him and I was about to speak when Wendy did something I'll never forget. She kissed three fingers of her left hand and placed them against her stomach, just as I had done twenty years ago.

''I love you. I love you so much.'' She said to the baby inside her.

I placed my hand over hers and we shared a moment of joy, none of us saying anything, neither of us needing to speak. But that precious moment came to an abrupt end. The door swung open in front of us violently and we both looked up to see Mark and several doctors standing in the doorway.

''That's my kid, I have a right to be here.'' He said, pulling his arm free from the grasp of the security guard.

''Mark, what are you doing here?'' Wendy said, sitting up and wiping the gel from her stomach with the blue paper.

''I think you should leave.'' I said, standing in front of Wendy.

''Yeah, what are you gonna do?'' He threatened.

''You have no idea what I'm capable of.'' I said, looking him right in the eye and stepping forward so he couldn't reach my Wendy.

''Please Mark just leave.'' Wendy said.

''That's my kid Wends.'' He said.

''Mark please.'' Wendy said in a harsher tone.

''Wendy baby, you know I'd never hurt you.'' He said.

''Yeah well, you did Mark remember? Or were you to drunk?'' She shouted.

''What?'' I said, taking another step forward so I was face to face with him. Had he hurt my daughter?

''Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave, or you will be forcefully removed.'' She security guard told him, grasping his arm hard.

I stared him out, finding it very hard not to hit him, but eventually he gave up, storming out. I took the ultrasound scan from the doctor and thanked them, helping Wendy off the bed and leading her out of the doctor's office. Wendy walked confidently to the front desk and booked another appointment, she took a deep breath and rested her hand protectively over her belly.

''Thank you for sticking up for me mom.'' Wendy said as we walked arm in arm to the car.

''It's okay Wendy, I just can't believe that low life hit you. Why didn't you tell me?'' I pressed, my blood boiling.

''I didn't want to burden you mom… plus I was worried what you might to do him.'' She laughed.

''Trust me, I was this close.'' I said, starting the car.

Wendy bit her bottom lip and looked through the scan photos.

''I wonder if it's a little boy or a little girl.'' She said, and I could hear her smile.

''I don't know darling, Lily guessed a girl.'' I said, keeping my eyes on the road but wanting to see my daughter smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever.

''I need to make it up to Lily, I was horrible to her earlier mom.'' She admitted.

''Which reminds me, I already have names.'' She said.

''Darling, your twelve weeks pregnant.'' I laughed.

''I know but I wanted to tell you first. I played around with you and Lily's names for a girl mom. And I got… Liliana.'' She said, rubbing her belly.

''Oh baby.'' I said, my heart warming at the thought.

''And for a boy, do you remember my little white rabbit Floyd?'' She said earnestly.

''Yes I do, the one who ate half of my red cardigan?'' I said laughing.

''I still love that name.'' She said, giggling.

Wendy ran inside when we got home, knowing Lily would already be home. She flung herself at Lily who was in her armchair and gave her a big hug.

''I'm sorry mama, I've been horrible.'' She said, kissing her cheek and handing her the scan photos.

''Oh Wendy, they're beautiful.'' She said, wiping her eyes.

I smiled as my family continued to unfold in front of my eyes. I looked at the two women I loved most in my life and left the room to pin up my copy of the scan photo in my little office. I kissed the photo and pinned it on my notice board above my desk. I couldn't wait for my grandchild to arrive.


	13. Chapter 13

1986

Lana's POV:

I was woken from my peaceful slumber by an earth shattering scream. Wendy. I flew out of the bed and pulled on my robe, calling for Lily to get up.

''Lily get up, get up!'' I said running from the room.

''Wendy?'' I called, running into her bedroom.

''Mom!'' Came a weak cry.

I collided with Lily in the hallway and we made our downstairs to the bathroom to find Wendy holding onto the sink and rubbing her stomach, and crying loudly.

''Wendy are you okay? Is it the baby?'' I said, rubbing her back and sitting her on the lid of the toilet.

''I think so mom I'm…'' She stopped and gave a loud groan. ''I think I'm having contractions.'' She said.

''I'll phone for the ambulance!'' Lily called, running from the room.

''I'm not due for another month!'' Wendy cried, breathing in and out like she had been taught in her classes.

''I know love, but when it's time it's time.'' I said, wishing I could do more to help her.

I looked at the clock in the hallway. It was 4:00am. I went over to the window and parted the blinds with my hand. It was early February and we still had snow but I didn't know quite how bad it was until I looked out of the window. We lived far away from the nearest towns and cities and we had no neighbours for miles. I considered driving Wendy to hospital myself then but when I looked over the garage, the door was snowed under. Lily returned with the phone in her hand.

''It will take them at least an hour, maybe more Lana, the snow is really bad.'' She said.

''Oh god.'' Wendy cried.

''Will she be okay? Do you want them to stay on the phone?'' Lily asked, repeating the words she was being told in her ear.

''She'll be fine, just tell them to hurry.'' I said, grabbing some towels and placing them on the floor around Wendy.

Lily placed the phone back on the hook and came and sat on the edge of the bathtub with me. It was just a waiting game now but Wendy's contractions became closer together and I could tell she was in agony.

''Don't leave me moms.'' Wendy said, squeezing the life out of my hand.

''I won't baby, I'm right here.'' I replied, vowing never to let go.

''Ahh mom, I… I think It's coming.'' She said, sitting down on the floor.

''Oh god, not yet!'' Lily cried, sitting on the floor beside Wendy and rubbing her back.

''Shit!'' Wendy cried, throwing her head back in agony. I pulled Wendy's nightgown back.

''Oh my god, I can see the head.'' I said trying to stay calm for my daughter's sake.

I hadn't delivered a baby before; I had no idea what I was doing I so got Lily to help Wendy through to the living room as I laid towels on the sofa, praying that the ambulance got here before the baby did. Wendy placed herself slowly on the sofa and Lily grasped both of her hands behind her head.

''Mom, I need to push!'' she cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.

''Okay, when your ready baby.'' I said, glad it was me down the business end and not Lily, who was the most squeamish woman I had ever met and who was currently a worrying shade of puce.

Wendy gave an almighty push and more of the baby became visible. Before long the head was born, and it was the tiniest head I had ever seen. My heart was racing, but I stayed calm for Wendy, telling her to push when she felt she had too.

''Mom, I can't!'' Wendy screamed.

''Yes Wendy, you can.'' I said, looking into her eyes as Lily gave a tighter grip on her hands.

''Come on Wendy, nearly there now!'' Lily encouraged, kissing our daughters forehead.

Wendy gave a final push and the baby was born into my arms, crying straight away.

''Oh my god!'' I cried as I caught my grandchild, wiping the baby down with the towel I was holding.

''It's Liliana.'' I said, as I passed Wendy her daughter.

''It's a girl!'' Lily said, clapping her hands together like a child at Christmas.

''Oh, my baby.'' Wendy said, kissing Liliana's forehead as tears rolled down all of our faces.

Liliana had wispy light brown hair and beautiful green eyes. I saw the love on Wendy's face as she looked into the face of her baby. I was so proud of her.

''Well done mommy.'' I said, touching my new granddaughters cheek.

''I love you darling.'' Wendy said to the tiny bundle in her arms.

I stood up and hugged my Lily tightly.

''Well done Lana.'' Lily said, averting her eyes from the pool of blood betwixt our daughter's thighs.

Just then we heard the ambulance in the distance and Lily looked out of the window as it ploughed up the driveway through the thick layer of snow.

''Don't leave me.'' Wendy said, holing out one arm to Lily and supporting her baby with the other as I went to answer the front door.

Paramedics and midwives came through the front door and were greeted by Wendy already holding her baby. Midwives rushed to her attention as Lily made tea for the now, un-needed paramedics. The midwives cut the cord and cleaned Liliana up and I helped Wendy into the bathroom and ran her a shallow bath.

''Well done baby, I'm so proud of you.'' I said, as Wendy winced in pain as she lowered herself into the water.

''I couldn't have done it without you mom.'' She said, holding onto my hand.

She hurried to get herself washed, putting on a clean nightshirt and making her way back to the sofa, desperate to have her daughter back in her arms.

''Please, let me have my baby back.'' She said as the Midwives finished checking her over.

''5lbs exactly Miss Winters, she's a little one.'' The midwife laughed, placing Liliana over her chest.

''You won't need to come into hospital, Miss Winters, but we advise you call if you have any problems, with you or Liliana.'' She warned.

''Thank-you.'' I said, taking the papers from her for Wendy to fill in later.

''You did a good job Ms Winters, you should have been a midwife.'' She laughed.

I showed her the way out and everybody left in under an hour, and then it was just Me, Wendy, Lily and the new baby. Lily got straight to work; taking Liliana from Wendy and dressing her in a too-big baby grow. Wendy rolled her eyes sarcastically as Lily practically took over, heating up the formula for our granddaughter.

''I'd better feed her Lil.'' Wendy said, reaching for her tiny daughter.

''Of course, of course.'' Lily said, handing the baby back to Wendy while I got the formula.

We all sat on the sofa while Liliana was fed and winded. Then she yawned a giant yawn, making us all laugh, and she fell asleep against Wendy's chest.

''I love her so much.'' Wendy said, cradling her daughters head and looking at her with loving eyes.

''She's beautiful.'' I cooed, holding her free hand.

Lily fell asleep in the armchair although it was now nearly 8:00am. Wendy yawned too, obviously exhausted. I wasn't tired though, adrenaline still coursing through my veins. I brought Liliana's carry cot through into the living room and took the baby from Wendy as she fell asleep.

I held Liliana up and she stirred, opening her wide sea green eyes. I kissed her tiny button nose and held her close before placing her to sleep in her Moses basket.

''Sleep tight Liliana.'' I said.


	14. Chapter 14

1990

Lana's POV:

''I'm so sorry to inform you Ms West, that your results have come back positive. You have cancer.''

The doctor's words slipped from his mouth and hit me like a ten tonne truck. Lily had cancer. I whimpered loudly, clapping my hand over my mouth as I turned to face Lily, who had gone white as a ghost. She had had a lump in her breast for months and Lily being Lily, hadn't told me, or anyone else for that matter. She was petrified of the hospital after her ordeal there years ago when she lost her baby and had vowed never to go back. But when I finally caught her though, wincing in pain as she unclasped her bra one night, I made her tell me what was wrong. I felt the lump myself and immediately booked her an appointment for the next day. But now it was too late.

''Ms West, your cancer has already reached stage three and has unfortunately spread to the lymph nodes.'' He said, his tone like he was reading from a script, like a story he'd told a hundred times before. Perhaps he had.

''Am I going to die?'' Lily asked, her hands shaking.

Her words made me feel sick; I trembled violently at the thought of losing her. She had only just turned 55. She couldn't die. Silent tears rolled down her cheek as the doctor continued.

''Ms West, your cancer is very advanced and I'm unsure whether surgery and/or chemotherapy will have any effect now. I can't stop it and I can't slow it down. Perhaps if you had come to us sooner…'' He said, pawing through his notes.

I let out a wail and buried my face in my hands, but Lily just sat there, her face a mask of emotions. My Lily was going to die. And there was nothing anybody could do to save her. I ran from the doctor's office to be greeted with an empty waiting room, apart from my Wendy and granddaughter, Liliana, who was playing with some building blocks over in the far corner.

''Mom? Oh god, is it bad news?'' Wendy said, standing up and lowering her voice so Liliana didn't hear.

I nodded and collapsed to the floor, and Wendy came over to hold me.

''She has cancer?'' Wendy said, as Liliana looked over at me worriedly from her corner.

''Oh Wendy, it's worse than that, much, much worse.'' I sobbed.

Wendy began to cry too and the nurses in the booth opposite us began to look worried. Liliana waddled over then, looking scared. I tried to stop crying, to be strong for my granddaughter's sake but I couldn't. Liliana patted her podgy hand on my greying curls.

''Nana sad?'' She asked.

''Yes darling.'' I wept, rubbing her arm.

''Why nana?'' She asked.

But before I could answer, Lily emerged from the doctor's office. She smiled weakly but obviously couldn't hold it in any longer and broke down, kneeling on the floor and clutching Wendy and I tightly.

''Oh dear!'' Liliana said, waddling over to the table in the middle of the room and grabbing the blue and white box of tissues that was situated there.

She ran back and began thrusting tissues as us, nearly emptying the box and making us laugh through the pain as the mass of tissues rained down on us. It took us a while to get to our feet and we drove home together in silence, only to be broken occasionally by the sound of Liliana muttering softly to the dollies in her hands.

When we arrived home, Wendy put Liliana to bed and I made tea, splashing cold water down my front as I filled the brass kettle with shaking hands. Lily wandered into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around my waist. I clenched my eyes tightly, tears seeping from them once more as I turned to face her. I pulled her to me and kissed her with a passion that made me dizzy, I tasted our tears on her lips as I entangled my hand in her hair and pulled her closer.

''Why didn't you tell me Lily?'' I cried, our mouths still locked in mid dance-macabre.

''I was scared Lana. I'm not like you, I'm not strong enough.'' She sobbed.

''But now you're dying.'' I wept, as she rested her head on my shoulder.

''When it's time it's time, Lana.'' She said.

''But you're 55 Lily, you still have a whole lifetime ahead of you.'' I said.

''I've had my lifetime Lana. And it's been perfect. You were all I could ever have asked for, you and Wendy and little Liliana. You were everything I wanted.'' She sobbed.

''But I can't live without you Lil.'' I said, clutching her tightly, never ever wanting to let her go.


	15. Chapter 15

1991

Lana's POV:

Lily died on the 6th June 1991. She was just 55 years old. The doctors told her she had months to live, maybe six or seven at the most. So we made the most of time we had left as a family. It was hard to explain to little Liliana that nana wasn't going to be around anymore, and she often cried, knowing we had so little time left. We all did, crying had become a regular thing in our household. Lily was offered treatment, to prolong her life but not save her. She refused of course, and made few trips to that hospital in the last six months of her life.

''Go there so they can prod and poke me with their needles and their IV lines? No Lana, they can forget it.'' She said, waving her hands.

Lily grew weak, fast and in a matter of months she was bed bound. Wendy and I waited on her hand and foot while Liliana made her cards and picked flowers in the back garden, in hope that she would be better soon. But Lily only got worse. She refused to go into hospital even then and told us that when her time came, she wanted to be at home with us. I was there when Lily passed away. Wendy was out, to take Liliana to her pre-school.

''I'm scared, Lana.'' She told me as I intertwined my fingers into her fragile cold ones.

''I know baby.'' I said, tears trickling down my cheeks.

''We've had a ball though, haven't we?'' She said, smiling weakly.

I nodded, unable to speak, my voice barley a whisper.

''I love you… So much Lily.'' I wept.

''She's here.'' Lily smiled, looking to the foot of our bed.

''No, Lily no, you can't, please!'' I sobbed. I knew exactly who, or rather what, stood at the foot of our bed. I wasn't ready for her to go, I couldn't let her go.

But Lily kept staring as she followed the invisible figure up the side of our bed.

''I'm ready.'' She smiled, her body relaxing and letting go of the pain that coursed through her veins.

''Lily, stay with me!'' I sobbed, shaking her arm. But she wasn't listening to me. I heard the keys in the front door.

''Wendy!'' I cried, and she came crashing through the bedroom door.

But Lily was gone; her body lay motionless, expressionless in the crisp white sheets.

''No!'' I screamed.

''Oh god.'' Wendy said, collapsing at the other side of the bed and taking Lily's other hand.

''I didn't… I didn't even get to say goodbye.'' She whispered.

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, tears racking my body and making my stomach heave.

''I love you mom.'' Wendy said to Lily, pushing a piece of her stray hair from her face and kissing her alabaster cheek.

I stayed in with Wendy that night and she held me as I sobbed.

''She's in a better place now mom, with Wendy and with Kit.'' She told me.

''I know baby.'' I whispered.

''Nana? Mommy?'' Came a small voice from the foot of the bed.

''Yes, Liliana.'' Wendy said, sitting up and pulling her onto the bed in between us.

''I miss nana, and I can't sleep.'' She said, tears brimming in her green eyes.

''We all do baby, but nana's okay where she is now, I promise.'' Wendy said, stroking her daughter's curls.

And with that we all snuggled down under the covers and tried to sleep. But I couldn't sleep and found myself awake and feeling more alone than ever. I pushed my hand under the pillow. It hit something. I pulled out the piece of folded paper I found there. My name was written on the front. I looked over at Wendy and Liliana who were sleeping softly beside me and hopped quickly out of the bed and made my way to the en suite. I locked the door and sat on the cold toilet lid and opened the letter with shaking hands.

_My Dearest Lana,_

_These past twenty-something years have been the best years of my life and I can't thank you enough for them. You've given me everything I could ever have wanted, love, family, a sense of belonging. I decided to write this for you, in case I'm too sick to say these things to you, the things I honestly feel in my heart. I love you Lana, more than anything or anyone in the world. I think your amazing Lana, strong, beautiful and extraordinary. The things you were able to overcome, you lost everything Lana, your life, family, dignity and even your lover. I know I never talked to you properly about Wendy Peyser but I promise you this, when it's my time to go I'll greet her as an old friend, and with open arms._

_Don't feel sad for me Lana, because I know I'm going to a better place. I'll be reunited with my baby again, my beautiful Sarah. And I'll be watching over you, always. Tell Wendy that I love her and that I'm proud of her also, for how she's brought up Liliana, with her grandmothers mother's strong will, the heart of a Lion and the grace of an angel. And always know that I'll be here waiting for you. We've had our little adventure Lana my darling. Go and have a new one._

_All my love,_

_Your Lily x_


	16. Chapter 16

2014

_Present day – Lana is 83_

''Nana, you're 82 years old, you can barely walk up the stairs. I think you should go and stay with mom.'' Liliana said.

At 28, Liliana was the spitting image of her mother. She was strong, confident and everything Wendy had hoped. Just proof that Wendy was a great mother.

''Nana, are you listening?'' She repeated.

''I have to stay here petal. It's my home. My entire life is here Lily is… was here.'' I said, feeling foolish.

''I know nana, but moms worried about ya. I'm worried about ya.'' She said, clutching my arm.

''You sounded just like my Lily then.'' I chuckled.

''Argh, nana you have to listen to me.'' She groaned.

''I want to stay.'' I whispered, a single tear rolling down my cheek.

''I know nana, I know. But you've had a stroke. You can't stay here on your own, we have to look after you.'' She said.

''I don't need looking after Liliana, I can look after myself.'' I said, indignantly.

''Look I'll talk to mom, but she's insistent that you stay with her and Will.'' She said.

''I'll think about it.'' I said, standing to show Liliana out.

We exchanged hugs and kisses and she hoped into her new car and set off down the road. I knew I couldn't leave. My independence was the only thing I had left. The only real connection with the old Lana. I sighed and waved down the road as Liliana pulled out of view.

I shut the door and made my way inside. It was true, I had had a stroke and it was pretty bad. My speech was slurred and I struggled to do most things nowadays. The doctors had told me it was very likely I would have another stroke in the next year, possibly worse and so Liliana and Wendy came to check on me as much as they could. My Wendy had remarried again, nearly ten years ago now. I think that was the day I missed my Lily the most. But I was there to walk my daughter down the aisle, along with Liliana, who gave her mommy away. She married a lovely man named William. He loved Liliana like his own and I knew Lily would have loved him.

The phone rang later that evening when I was getting ready for bed. I stood shakily from my seat and took the phone from my coffee table.

''Hello?'' I said.

''Mom, it's Wendy.'' Said my daughter, sounding miffed.

''Hello Wends, how are you love?'' I asked.

''Mom, Liliana said you refused her offer. You can't be serious?'' She said.

''I need my independence Wendy.'' I insisted.

''Mom you have to think seriously about this. You had a stroke, you can't live on your own anymore.'' She said.

''Okay Wendy.'' I sighed.

''So you'll come and stay?'' She said.

''Yes love.'' I croaked.

''Okay, well Will and I will be round in the morning and…'' I didn't listen to what she had to say. I was to upset.

''See you tomorrow then Wendy… I love you darling.'' I whispered, hanging up the phone.

I choked back tears as I headed for bed. I climbed in slowly; it was all I could manage. I certainly felt my age. I laid in the darkness for a while, mulling things over in my mind. Not a lot made sense nowadays, not since… the stroke. Suddenly, I dull ache began in the back of my head. I went sit up but I couldn't. I physically couldn't. I went to call out for someone who wasn't there but my speech was so slurred I couldn't even understand myself. I croaked nonsense until I was hoarse. I knew I was having another stroke. And then somebody must have heard me because she was at the foot of my bed.

I had seen her before, a fallen angel, dark and mysterious and I knew why she was here at once.

''Lana, we've been doing this dance-macabre for so long, my darling. Are you ready now?'' She asked.

''Yes. Yes I'm ready.'' I said.

My voice sounded somehow younger and as she came closer, a kind of peace swept over me.

''Kiss me.'' I murmured as she leaned her red lips towards mine.

And she did.

I woke up in a bright infinity. I looked up and down, around but I was oblivious as to where I was. I looked down at my hands. The wrinkled skin and swollen joints had been replaced by my once soft, young hands. My brown hair fell free from my shoulders and pooled around my pert breasts in the white gown I was wearing. I stood up and it was easy. I touched the soft skin of my face and found no crevices there, no laughter lines, just my plain alabaster skin.

''Lana.'' A once familiar voice whispered my name.

I turned around to see my Lily. She was wearing a white gown and her face was much like the face I knew some forty years ago. Pale and pretty, her long blonde hair cascading down her back. And in her arms was a tiny baby girl. The spitting image of Lily, she looked like an angel. Sarah.

''Lily.'' I greeted her, walking towards her and into the embrace of her free arm.

''I've missed you so much.'' I said.

''And I you, Lana.'' She said, smiling at me and then at her daughter.

''Hello Sarah.'' I said, touching the baby's cheek.

''Lily, where are we?'' I asked.

''I don't know.'' Lily smiled. She nodded over in the opposite direction.

I turned around to see a figure, standing in the far distance. I squinted in the bright light of the oblivion. The curves of her body, her short dark hair, I knew at once who she was. I turned back to Lily.

''Go to her Lana… I'll be right here waiting.'' She smiled, looking back to her daughter.

I didn't need to be told twice. I wandered forwards, tears spilling down my cheeks. After all these years, it was my Wendy. I came to stop a few feet in front of her. She laced her soft hand around the back of my neck sending chills down my spine.

''Wendy I…'' I started.

Wendy reached forwards with her other hand, pressing a warm finger to my lips.

''Shh Lana.'' She said, kissing me deeply.

I pulled away first, knowing Lily was behind me. I felt so confused.

''Wendy I… I have so much to tell you. I just don't know how long we have.'' I said.

''Let's start with forever.'' She said, intertwining her fingers in my own.

I turned round and Lily was there once more. She took my other hand and smiled a knowing smile. I looked from Wendy to Lily and then the bright oblivion opened before us. And I wasn't afraid anymore. I felt a reassuring squeeze from the two women either side of me and, with confidence; we walked as one into the abyss.

_The end._


End file.
